Dysfunctional
by curiousmeem
Summary: Helga and Arnold's relationship has never been normal. After their friendship returns to the bully-versus-boy stage, Arnold contemplates what Helga told him on FTi's rooftop. He tries to cope with Helga's, and consequently his own, feelings.


**Title: Dysfunctional  
Disclaimer: Is this really necessary?**

"Move it Football Head!" Helga G. Pataki pushed her way through the mass of fifth graders trying to make their way onto the bus before the driver closed the doors. If they didn't make this bus they would have to walk five blocks and wait forty-five minutes for the next bus.

Arnold sighed exasperatedly while climbing the rubber stairs to deposit his change into the square plastic slot. Further down the aisle, Helga was elbowing her way through the people standing and clutching metal rings. Arnold, in contrast, made his way through the sweating bodies muttering "Excuse me," every other second. He frowned slightly when he someone jostled his ribcage for the third time. He slightly grimaced as an obese middle-aged man, with sweat staining his yellow polo shirt in the shape of a bib, made his way down the back stairway.

Helga swiftly plucked her behind onto one of the two seats the greasy man vacated. She scowled angrily at the warmth that met her. Turning her head to look out of the cramped window in the corner she tossed her books onto the seat next to her. When a frumpy woman coughed discretely in front of her and pointedly stared at the seat she lifted her gaze threateningly.

The woman's eyebrows furrowed and she gestured at the empty seat on the crowded bus.

"Move it, Biddy, this seat's taken."

The woman gasped, "Young lady that's no way to speak to adults. Now, please, move your books so I can sit down." Her tone was more forceful than it was polite.

Helga made a fist and shook her head. "Look lady. I said move it! This. Seat. Is. Taken." She punctuated her words with anger and shook her fists at the slighted woman.

"How rude!" The woman turned around in a huff and stalked off to stand clutching her bag somewhere in the middle of the bus, teetering in front of the steps to the back door.

Arnold finally made his way through the bodies to see Helga sitting by the back ventilator and window. "_Just in luck_," he thought, when he noticed her books on the chair.

He coughed as he approached her.

"Look woman, if you'd like I can introduce to my friends Betsy--" She stopped talking when she noticed the boy in front of her. "Oh, Arnold hey."

"Helga, would you mind if I sat there?"

Inside she was thrilled. "Whatever floats your boat Football Head." She pulled her books onto her lap and he slid into the seat behind her.

"Wow, Helga how'd you manage to get two seats?"

"All it takes is some elbow grease, and for some whale to pull his left and right cheeks off both chairs." Arnold looked at his in his trademark expression full of disbelief and skepticism.

They rode in easy silence, each content to get lost in the workings of his or her own head, for the rest of the ride.

* * *

The cafeteria roared with laughter when Eugene sat on the puddle of red juice Harold and Stinky spilled in his chair.

"Surprise!" Stinky and Harold snapped a picture as he stood up to assess the damage on his new, white pants.

Arnold grabbed a ton of napkins from the dispenser in front of him and passed them to the redhead. "Are you okay, Eugene?"

"Oh, Arnold this is terrible! These this season's Spumoni capri pants!" The rest of the students roared even louder. Arnold glared at his friends sitting at a round table. Eugene ran out of the cafeteria in shame.

"Guys, this isn't funny. It's not right either."

"Oh shove it Arnoldo! Why do you always have to ruin all the fun! Your such a wet blanket!"

"Yeah!" A chorus of agreement sounded from his friends. Gerald, watched the scene unfold quietly.

Arnold shook his head in disgust. "Fine." He turned and stopped from the cafeteria to find his locker.

Helga watched him leave. Afterwards, she stomped off in the opposite direction. Once, she'd reached her "office," she pulled the heart locket out of her dress.

"Arnold, my darling. My golden haired angel, once again I've taunted and tortured your beautiful soul. If only I could repent, right the one whom I have so often wronged. Beg for forgiveness. My oblong headed cherub, my Apollo I long to be the Aphrodite in your lagoon colored eyes. And yet, I am nothing but the pig-headed Athena, decked out in armor--words spun from poison--in order to protect myself and clutching weapons at the ready. Ready at a second's notice to bite the hand that feeds it. I can't help myself from uttering those terrible, horrible things--those biting words that sting your conscious like the Scorpion's tale. Oh, Arnold!" She breathed in dramatically as she clutched the trinket to her chest. She fell over a cardboard box, and into a pile of mops as she swooned.

Arnold, on the other hand, stood at a sink in the boys bathroom splashing water on his face. Gerald walked in a moment later.

"Hey, man you okay there?"

"Yeah, Gerald. But, argh! I just get so mad. Helga, and everyone else out there. She just makes everything worse. She always instigates all these stupid mean pranks. I bet if it weren't for her everyone else wouldn't be so mean."

Arnold grabbed the handle of the heavy red door and walked out. Gerald trailed behind him in thought.

"I guess so. But, then again our classmates have always been jerks to a certain extent. Ever since we've known Harold he's always been a bully and Rhonda too. Man, that girl's so snobby she could give models a run for their money."

Gerald and Arnold made their way back to 's class.

"Whatever," muttered Arnold as he pulled out his History notebook and a pencil.

* * *

It had been a week since the cafeteria incident and the class was anxiously waiting for summer vacation. All eyes were on the clock as Simmon's lesson turned to mindless droning. Time seemed to slow to a standstill as Arnold stared at the clock above the wall. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The seconds hand landed on the number eleven, while the minuted hand creaked ominously between the fifty-ninth minute and twelve of the three o'clock hour. Barely audibly the students started a countdown.

"Five." Simmons gave up and turned around to look at the class.

"Four." Silence dawned on the classroom.

"Three." A paperclip dropped to floor with a thud that resounded throughout the entire classroom.

"Two." The kids all pushed their chairs back a bit and placed their hands on their desks leaning forward ready to pounce into the air.

"One." Premature shouts of "Wooohoooooo!" filled the classroom, but then quickly died out.

"Awwww, man!" Disappointment echoed through the walls as the students turned their attention back to the board.

"Now, class I know you're all excited but I'm just the clock is just a few minutes behind. While, I have your attention I just want to wish you all an extra special goo-"

Bring! Bring! Bring! The sound of the alarms turned into happy shouts as everyone threw paper and notes into the air. Screams filled the class as the students stampeded towards the door. Curly, laughed maniacally as he thundered out on the class broom.

Simmons, Helga, Phoebe, Gerald and Arnold were the only people left in the classroom. Gerald and Phoebe exited quickly off to their respective lockers.

"Oh, Arnold and Helga I'm glad you stayed. I just wanted to say that I'm sure you two will have an extra special summer vacation. Have fun. I hope I'll see you guys again next year."

"Whatever, floats your oh so special boat . Sheesh! It's not like the world's going to end."

"Bye, Mister Simmons." Arnold waved.

Arnold and Helga walked out of the classroom together clutching their books.

"So Helga, do you have any plans for the summer?"

"What's it to you Arnold-o?" She scowled as they made their way to the bus stop.

"Nothing Helga. I'm just trying to make polite conversation."

"Fine, Hair Boy. I'll have you know that I plan to spend this summer plopped in front of my t.v. with an ice cold Yahoo soda dripping with condensation."

"Sounds nice Helga." Arnold opened the door for her as they walked out of the school.

"Whatever."

* * *

Arnold stared up at his light creeping in from his glass roof. He sat up and began throwing his basketball up in the air. The conversation he'd had with Helga on the way home was replaying in his head.

He had always had an _unconventional_ relationship with the girl. Frankly, difficult would be a better word to describe their interactions. Everyday was a mystery with the blonde, blue-eyed bully.

"Then again, she's not always that bad." Arnold opened his yearbook to the page where Helga G. Pataki sat. Surprisingly enough she wasn't wearing her usual scowl. The girl had a sort of half-smile plastered to her face, it was mysterious, confusing, but alluring just like her. Arnold stared.

"You know, now that I think about it there are a lot of times when she's actually helped me out. The beach house with Summer, when I was trying to get Lila to notice me, she found my hat, the biosquare, the egg project, our Thanksgiving together, when she helped with the parade, when she was It Girl, that time she dressed up as Lila for Rhonda's costume party, hmmm when Arnie liked her, when Stinky liked her, when we went out to dinner and ended up scrubbing dishes, April Fool's Day, and the Romeo and Juliet play."

Arnold's widened eyes kept staring in shock.

"Do I have feelings for Helga?" Arnold pushed himself back from the desk. Slowly, he opened the top drawer and pulled out a newspaper clipping. "Nine-Year-Olds Save Hillwood!" On the front page was a picture of him and Gerald in their suits looking beat up but smug, as Scheck was carted away in handcuffs. The more he stared at the picture the more he remembered the incident on top of the FTi rooftops. In the background of the picture the neighborhood was cheering, and Arnold noticed a small Helga staring at him adoringly.

"Do I have feelings for Helga?" '_Crimeney, Football Head! What else are you supposed to do when someone you love is in trouble!?' _ "Love?" He petted Abner.

"Abner, do I love Helga G. Pataki? Helga the girl that's tormented me for most of my existence?"

"No" Arnold licked his lips slowly. The pig snorted harshly as if he disagreed.

"But... But she's done so much for me. I don't not like her. There's no such thing as just liking someone. Maybe, I like her like her. Yeah, I think that's it." He started speaking more quickly. "Maybe, that's why she gets me mad like no one else can. Maybe, that's why whenever she does something mean to me it's okay, but when she does something mean to other people I get mad. I don't know why it hurts and surprises me when she treats me like crap. I don't know why but I think I've always just expected more from Helga. Maybe, that's also why she can make me feel better when no one else can."

Arnold walked out of Sunset Arms and towards Gerald Field. He sat on the bleachers watching his friends play baseball, Helga was pitching. He smiled.

"I might not love Helga, but I do like her like her." He licked his lips again and smirked as she struck out Harold and he left the field whining. "Our friendship, hasn't always been that easy, and I don't think it will be. It'll, no she'll, always be a bit...." Harold's stomach met Betsy once, and the Five Avengers twice. Helga asked if anyone else had any problems. Everyone cowered in fear, and went back to playing the game. "....dysfunctional." Arnold smirked.

"But I gotta admit--that girl sure can kiss."

**Fin**.

_Good? Bad? Boring? Stuffy? All feedback is appreciated and any constructive criticism is hoarded. Now I'll get back to Rebuild--I might rewrite some of the first chapter, I think its a bit long, stiff, and too descriptive, overall dry. This ficlet is a standalone fic, but it does fit into the Rebuild universe, as some part of Arnold's internal musings, and it was inspired by Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You." (I listened to that on repeat while writing this.) I wrote this on my macbook's TextEdit, and edited on FF so I hope I didn't miss any mistakes it was very different from when I'm writing with Microsoft Word, or Dell's Wordperfect. It's the first time I've published at a reasonable hour._

Okay guys I need your help, I don't know why but fanfiction keeps cutting off/deleting the name of Simmons (and if that doesn't show up) the name of Arnold and Helga's oh so special teacher. Does anyone know why that is?


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